Friendship lasts forever, apparently
Blogged on Saturday 16th February 2008 at 01:54am with 8 Comments
I went out tonight. Sang some songs at the pub, had some drinks, had a joke, shared a little love. But I didn't enjoy myself. I was completely and utterly disinterested in the whole situation.
Friendship is supposed to be forever. The private jokes shared, wasting the day away, creating memories that will last a life time. It promises so much and you take it for granted because friends are always there. But one day they're not. One day they don't call. One day you don't answer. One day you meet new people and all the was is just a distant memory in the "good old times". One day you're confident, funny, popular and then next you're alone, not very popular and desperately seeking friendship.
I just spent the evening with my best friends, but they weren't. I've just shared the evening with people who I know everything about and at the same time, absolutely nothing. I haven't seen them in about two years. Fuck knows why it's been that long. I didn't want to lose contact with them, you just forget to call one day. One day leads to a week, week to month, month to year, year to two. It's so easy to forget you had friends when you're caught up in your own life. So very easy.
I tried to pretend that missing the last two years didn't matter, but it did. And I couldn't forget. I was stuck in the past, I still am. I felt out of place, distant, like a stranger. I was asking questions two years out of date. You'd think that'd make you have a lot to talk about, catching up, but it doesn't. It makes you feel like you've lost time which you can never get back and that it's too late.
And I know it's too late because you can't change what you've missed and I can never get that time back. We've all moved on in completely different directions and the only thing which has remained constant is the ever widening gaps in our friendship. And I hate it because I know it's not really my fault. I made effort, I rang on birthdays, christmases, random days... but in the end it doesn't matter. Because some people just don't care enough to keep in touch. And I don't care enough to keep chasing.
But I do really. And I always will. But don't tell anyone.
The comments
At least I'm not the only one!In light of this change in friendship direction, I made it my business to make new friends... When I was at Uni, I was always told- the friends u make at Uni are the friends you make for life.... do u realise how much of a social burden this places on an guy??!!... well it turns out I ddnt make those lifetime friends... don't get me wrong I ddn't make random friends either... but I would never go 'out of my way' to see them.. well maybe one or two- but it would have to be for something SPECIFIC!!!... since leaving Uni I have come to the realisation that u make friends throughout ur life.. some come and some go... it's just about finding the ppl who u can relate to that will determine whether they stay or not... there shouldn't be any 'effort'.. it should jus flow... I have this now... for how long... who knows!!
I understand what you've said. I wrote this at a time when I just got home from the night out and I was still sad that I didn't really know my friends anymore. I know people come and go, I've had plenty of those friends. But some like you've said are supposed to there forever. Maybe they will. Just because we're not as close as we were, doesn't mean we won't be again.
Ahh who am I kidding. They're strangers to me!
Anyway, go out and have some fun and let me hear you complain tomorrow about only having 2 hours sleep again
I'm not controlling
Now get back to your room and get me a beer on the way!
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